Belly Flopping Back Into Writing and Apparently I need a Niche

Robin Matteri:

I’d like to gracefully dive back in as a writer who shares a unique voice, and a seat at lunch with Oprah; however, I’m belly flopping into content marketing and sharing a seat at lunch with the cool kids at every writing forum I can find.

Originally posted on Perfectly Imperfect & Simply Chaotic Words:

My style of writing is like me —- Scattered. Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that I’m a creative writer who accidentally fell into online content writing in 2006. Prior to learning about assignments, deadlines, and keyword placement, I wrote in my black and white composition book and called it genius. Ok, I know, I know.

I’d like to gracefully dive back in as a writer who shares a unique voice, and a seat at lunch with Oprah; however, I’m belly flopping into content marketing and sharing a seat at lunch with the cool kids at every writing forum I can find.

“One of these days Oprah, one of these days.”

Say what!? A niche?

As an aspiring writer, I am completing applications for content mills as quickly as an email spammer announcing lottery winnings. It’s overwhelming, daunting, frustrating, and exhilarating all in one…

View original 508 more words

What the Flop Poker Apparel Makes YouTube Debut

YAY! What the Flop Poker Apparel has made it to YouTube with a short clip highlighting a few of the beginning styles. If you’d like to help get things going, head over to the fine folks at Teespring and place your order today. Hoodies, Tank-Tops, Tees, and V-Neck T-Shirts are ready to go. Thanks for your support.

39 Blog Posts and The Chick Did WHAT?

Two days ago, I published my thirty-ninth post here at WordPress and it’s been a bit of a process for this “self-proclaimed” genius. Surprisingly, post number thirty-nine has been “my best day yet” according to the notification Gods working behind the wheel of analytics, and ironically, number thirty-nine is also my age. Interested yet?

Well, after you hear this, you’re going to reconsider the props I was given, and the attention you gave me. I’m willing to bet the number thirty-nine also represents my I.Q score.

Go 39

Go 39 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

Yep, friends, my rant about earning a forced education out of the pure desire to follow a dream, regardless of my economic status, had surpassed the prior thirty-eight posts I’d written after only one-hour of exposure. We were damn near viral (ok, a small exaggeration), I was getting excited, (insert more sarcasm), when the frustration with trying to customize a widget overpowered me. Approximately three minutes after the abundant accolades, I transferred my domain name to another site.

Edit DNS. Yes, I did.

My phone was blowing up—25, yes, that’s right, 25 new people had started following me within ONE HOUR.

I had no idea this “brilliant” idea was about to take my mental health hostage. You see, I didn’t have another server ready to go, or a plan, and I just jumped. Hmmm? I probably don’t need to warn you, but just in case… DO NOT CLICK developer links and bounce around like you’re a bad-ass, even if, you’re like me, and think thirty-eight published blog posts has now earned you a spot amongst the elite team of computer engineers, known as the Geek Squad.

A Best Buy Geek Squad Volkswagen New Beetle.

A Best Buy Geek Squad Volkswagen New Beetle. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ummm, yah…. I’m that girl.

((FYI to all the Internet Editors: I KNOW this site is full of errors…. that’s just how I roll.))

Looking on the bright side, I can add another skill to my resume thanks to that mistake. YAH! My transcripts are looking marvelous. So, after a small break, I’ve returned. Guess what else? I changed everything here.

New Title…. CHECK!

New Logo….CHECK!

New Blogger….DAMN! Stuck with me.

Perfectly Imperfect & Simply Chaotic is so much more reflective of who I am, and how I navigate life. I’m on the edge of turning FORTY. There are some things about the DNA of ME that I can work on, and others that are inevitably inherent to WHO, and WHAT I’m supposed to be.

Edit DNA. No, I didn’t.

I’ve tried, he’s tried, she’s tried, the dog tried…. You get my point.

I blocked that transfer, put my big girl pants on, cleaned my shit up, and came back with an authentic voice.

Just like my blog. You’ll either love us or hate us, what ever you decide, thanks for the lesson.

 

Hardest Working Broke Chick: Poverty Education

Broke Chick

Poverty has been better than a college education.

Sometimes I wonder…. I can’t understand it, and I’ve said it before— I’m the hardest working broke chick I know. On the flip side-poverty has taught me: website design, visual design, content marketing, networking, WAY more about how GOOGLE operates than I should know, WAY more about nerdy shit then I should know, how to be a pimp and annoy everyone, how to properly index a site, how to rank a blog, how to beat F’book at their own game (just kidding, just kidding, don’t cyberslap me Zuckerburg), how to spam like the brilliant Nigerian, and finally, patience. <—-oh wait, that’s the medication, not poverty.  Not sure if I’d rather have had knowledge or money to pay someone else to do all this…. I’ll let you know the verdict when I’m living large as a “Thousandaire” —-

The Irony: A Modern Day Madam Spammer

In dealing with mental health problems, it’s natural to also deal with self-esteem and self-worth issues which I find more and more ironic every day. Statistics indicate a significant amount of writers and authors who produce brilliant work, are also inflicted with issues concerning mental health. My favorite list is one from Listal that details award-winning authors and their actual or assumed diagnosis. Jack Kerouac was thought to be schizophrenic, Kafka endured years of severe depression, and many others were diagnosed with similar ailments.

Jack Kerouac

Cover of Jack Kerouac

Here’s an article about famous actors with mental health disorders.

The Irony?

I’m a PIMP! Yes, you heard me. I struggle daily with my talent to produce words, with overwhelming feelings of poor self-worth, inadequacies, and self-esteem problemos! BIG TIME!

English: Entrance to Madam Jojo's

English: Entrance to Madam Jojo’s (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

AND still…. I spend 5-8 hours a day pimping myself out to editors, social media sites, friends, family, and any damn person who’ll read something I wrote. I’m still baffled.

I’m too poor to hire someone so I pimp my writing out. A lot. My experience with pimping myself out has turned me into a modern day Madam—more commonly referred to as a “SPAMMER” — I admit it.

EVEN MORE ironic?

After intense pep talks with the friends living in my head (we need encouragement to “promote” my work), I become more depressed because of the obsession to check the stats on an hourly basis.

Like clockwork, I share a new blog on Facebook and almost ALWAYS immediately receive mobile notifications—“One friend ‘liked’ your new post.” My heart races, anticipation mounts…. 

THANKS MOM!                  

Self-pity, pimping, and on and on and on…..

Ironic!

(DAMN Nigerians are brilliant!)

Eight Year Old Tells Me to Take a Vacation….to BINGO! Huh?

I can’t decide if the YouTube video I posted of my eight-year-old telling me I need a vacation is a good thing, or his way of telling me to get the hell out of his face. Anyway, here’s a funny video of my son telling me to “take a break” at BINGO. His imitation of BINGO players and winning is hilarious (well, to me anyway!), and I hope you enjoy.


He’s obviously hoping to get famous with his shirtless video.

Poker Fans??? What the Flop Poker Apparel

 What the Flop Poker Apparel is designed for both the professional and amateur poker player. The fun play on words is a reference to what ALL players experience out of frustration of missing a flop. This is perfect to wear for your next poker tournament, home game, live game, or to the WSOP.

http://teespring.com/whatthefloppokermenstee

Mens What the Flop Poker Shirt

What the Flop Tank Top

Womens What the Flop Tank Top

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Anyone Else Publishing on LinkedIn? I Was Eavesdropping One Day And…

English: The post 2005 Taiwan freeway exit sign.

English: The post 2005 Taiwan freeway exit sign. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ok..A bit of a RANT, on a Monday. I decided to publish a couple “articles/blogs/essays/whatever” at #LinkedIn because I heard (eavesdropped, more like it), that is was good exposure. SOO–I don’t care, I’m going to ask you guys for advice. I don’t get a lot of action here or at G+, (or Facebook! SHOUT OUT to my Mom again!) because I fumble around still. I read and share nearly everything I can (which is time-consuming), and understand it takes time to build “respect” and “a seat at lunch next to the cool kids..”

It’s just a little dumb and I’m sure LinkedIn is going to lure me to stay with the Penthouse Suite, and a free buffet. They don’t care if I leave—number one! Number two—they know I need the networking platform.

YA know why??? Those TWO people who pay attention to me, might matter one day– haha…

I thought this post was pretty good. It was genuine, honest, offered a bit of advice, maybe a little humor. 150 people viewed it, and  +Doreen Martel is the only one to comment. BLESS HER BEAUTIFUL HEART! Although….
Anyway–is this not what to do there? I’d ask around, but it’s hard to fit in…LOL Can I get some advice?

Janis, Stevie, Juice, and Carole: How Lucky Could a Kid Be?

old record player

old record player (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As a kid, we didn’t have alarms to wake us up for school. They existed–as did electricity–but my Mom instead, woke us up to music playing throughout the house. She’d get out of bed, grab a cup of black coffee, chain-smoke a few Marlboro Lights (lol, sorry Mom, it’s fun to make fun of you!), and then blow the dust off one of her favorite records (aka-albums-aka-vintage-aka-$$$-aka—-GOOD shit!).

 

After about six minutes (loading it on the top, waiting for it to drop, waiting on the needle, the needle finding the beginning of the album, a small skip, then a “shit!”, grab the needle, but it back in the perfect spot…..)

 

….. BAM…..

 

 

Stevie Nicks was a blessing in the morning.

 

I feel lucky to have had a hippy Mom hiding in suburbia. Without her, I’d never know Fleetwood Mac, Carole King, James Taylor, Juice Newton (biotch!), or Janis Joplin.

 

In Concert (Janis Joplin album)

In Concert (Janis Joplin album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thanks Mom— I love you. In 2008, my beautiful mother and I saw Stevie Nicks in concert. I never thought I’d have that opportunity, so it is still surreal to me. In 2009, I saw Juice Newton perform–excellent on stage, but a “rhymes” with itch, behind the scenes. Oh well… she still nailed her music.

 

As I got older, I explored more of the favorites from that era. My favorite?

 

The early days of Stevie Nicks, and songs like this…

 

 

 

 

How Facebook Burned Me With Target Advertising

Well played Facebook, and the geniuses who run the marketing department. This advertisement just showed up in my News Feed. Ironic? Hardly. I’ve spent the last few days creating blogs like a machine (no kids this weekend!), and what-do-ya-know? The crickets are back, and my posts are going unnoticed.

I guess I need to get with the program and:

  1. Create Better Blogs For People to “Pretend” to Read
  2. Start Writing During the Week Like Normal People
  3. Wait Until Christmas Eve to Post My Next Masterpiece. 

Right? I mean, it’s only the last week of summer… I can’t be the only loser protecting my skin from cancer by parking it on the couch. Right?

Keep scrolling…I’d like to answer Facebook’s question….

Facebook Burn!

Well Played Facebook and the “target marketing” advertising geniuses!!

Dear Marketing Stalkers at Facebook,

Thanks for the cool ad today, obviously, you all are paying attention to my blog. Whoot! Whoot! And, looks like I’m not the only one working today either—the robots didn’t get the weekend off? Boo!

Anyway, to answer your question:

FACEBOOK: “Tired of Writing Great Articles that Nobody Reads?”

LOSER BLOGGER: “No! I’m not tired of creating hilarious blog posts for my MOM to read. She’s a HUGE fan. Personally, I think I’ll just grab a piece of scented stationary and a pen for the next blog. I’ll whip up some fancy paragraphs littered in calligraphy and send the post directly to her mail box. It’ll be cool.”

GOOD LOOKIN’ OUT FRIENDS! :)