All posts by Robin Matteri

Writer l Blogger l Former Poker Dealer l Former Facebook Junkie l Poetry Seamstress who has a collection of archived Facebook status updates (displayed as infographics) are dumb, funny, pathetic, and hilarious. Her blog, Perfectly Imperfect & Simply Chaotic defines the imperfections in all of us that combine perfectly to create individuality. It’s about embracing chaos, simply to survive. The irony in the words defines me. For most of my life, I’ve attempted to conform; each attempt unsuccessful. As a gift to myself in celebration of turning forty, I give the little girl living within, life. With life comes freedom, and with freedom, her perfectly imperfect & simply chaotic spirit can finally soar.

16 Tips For New (and Used) Freelance Writers: Writing for WriterAccess


I LOVE WriterAccess! I honestly have nothing to gain from that sentence except for a few bucks—maybe.

WriterAccess for Freelance Writers
WriterAccess for Freelance Writers

I’m not the best writer by any means, but I’ve done well working with this content mill, (the lull in work at the moment is beside the point).

I’m shamelessly linking this post with my referral link but I’ll stand behind the platform.

I moved from a level 3 writer to level 4 relatively quick, although I’m still not sure it was deserved. The $29.99 monthly investment into a grammar software program may have helped me. (HINT! HINT!)

If you’re looking for work in the field of online content writing, there are several options. With these options come several opinions. So what the hell, I’ll throw mine out there as well.

How am I an authority in this field? Simple:

  • I’m a stalker.
  • I’m a pimp.
  • I have a laptop.
  • I have no life.
  • My friends live in cyber-space.
  • I know what ideation and infographic mean even though my spell-checker doesn’t.
  •  I wrote 717 hotel articles for Demand Media back in the day that emphasized keyword placement and the use of the word amenities, over and over and over again. <—–PROOF!
  •  I once dreamed of becoming the next Chuck Klosterman  <—— (Amazon affiliate link, I’ve become one-of-them!), and know I dream of new ways to conjure up a fancy “call to action.” 

     Live by Chuck Klosterman
    This is a must-read for anyone who’s anyone. Chuck Klosterman nails real-world issues with humor, and a unique spin.
  • I read everything, apply to whatever I can, and stalk the hell out of EVERY writing site and forum I can—GOOGLE me, I dare ya. I do it every few weeks just to see where I’m registered. Just kidding, just kidding… BING me actually, I love the reward program. <—– Here’s my referral link. I’m on my way to almost $20 in free gift cards.

Back to my point. If you want to apply to WriterAccess, here are a few pointers, and of course, my referral link cleverly camouflaged into the content of this site. —–>> Right Here!

Here are Your Hints

 

  1. When applying, TAKE YOUR TIME. Complete each section carefully,and apply as though you are an expert in each field. THIS matters.
  2. The test is hard—take your time but don’t sweat it, most of the writers have scored with less than half of the answers incorrect.
  3. In the beginning, regardless of your classification, write as much as possible. The more you write, the more articles you can claim and the more street cred you’re given.
  4. Communicate with clients and the help desk ANY time your are confused, have an issue, etc.
  5. READ through every thread in the forums…word to the wise: stay out of the drama! UGH! Writers are evil. :))
  6. Apply to every casting call but do not expect to get accepted OR work from it….TRUST me, it pays off.
  7. Check the assignment boards ALL the time….I’d set an alarm for the middle of the night as well (hint-hint!)
  8. Count on getting paid TWICE a month like clockwork—UNBELIEVABLE, eh? Yep, they respect the starving artist enough to set up a decent pay schedule.
  9. Pay it forward–help another writer out, just for the heck of it (OR FOR the referral credit–we all have tummy’s to feed!)
  10. Don’t be a pr*ck-*ss writer who can’t take rejection, criticism, feedback, ridicule, and/or praise, (you might get all of this here!)
  11. Keep in mind that this is a stepping stone to a bigger dream SO you’ve got to train someone to take your spot.
  12. YOU’RE a content writer (as am I)—not Danielle Steele–CHILL, and spread the word.
  13. Spend your “off” time tweaking your profile and learn to BLOG for YOURSELF….
  14. The only thing consistent is inconsistency, deal with it or lose your mind.
  15. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket—diversify.
  16. USE A PEN NAME!! Dang it! I could have benefited from this lesson, and one other: STAY out of it! If you’re craving drama, call a 1-900# or join a chat room.

I learned that the hard way too.— LOL — Which sucks when you use your real name. Haha! The only thing I’ve got going for me? I look nothing like this picture — if someone wants to come get me; they’ll push me out of the way, looking for me.

Cheerio Friends!

Oh! But wait, there’s more. I couldn’t call myself a pimp without leaving you with a few more self-promoting links; now could I?

Here’s the best infographic ever with links to other online content writing jobs in the neighborhood. I’d love to tell ya that my nine-year-old put this masterpiece together, but, nope — I did.

And, because I’m so arrogant, pimpalicious, and addicted to the little characters that live within the infographic; here’s one more that you’d never survive life without. Social Media-Whoop! Whoop! 

Oh, good golly! Here’s one more affiliate link before I go ——–> Piktochart for Infographics, check it out.

Most Hilarious Text Message I’ve Heard in a While—But, That’s Just Me!

This text message honestly happened this morning. Forgive me if it’s not the most hilarious thing you’ve heard in weeks; I don’t get out much and nine-year-old’s are totally NOT FUNNY. So, with that, I nearly pissed myself when I saw this:

Here’s your key:

My boyfriend will be referred to as “THE BF”

His brother will be referred to as “THE BRO”

Addicted to Vintage Text Messages
Addicted to Vintage Text Messages

Text Message arrives:

6:10AM:

 “THE BRO” What time is the soccer game?

   “THE BF” 9

“THE BF” checks his phone, reads the next text, looks at me, pauses, reads it again, I yell at him, (“you’ve got time to read a damn text message but not enough time for a hug!! I’m a raging b*tch these days…FYI), “THE BF” gets flustered, wants to cuss at me, sends a response text, and then stares at me.

Hysterical laughing is coming….

“THE BF” is shocked, and manages to read the text history to me without laughing. Here’s what you missed:

6:18AM: 

“THE BRO” Received the letter ‘g’, need a number.

OMG… there are so many things about this that are funny!

  1. Who talks like that–in all seriousness. “THE BRO” is commando!
  2. “THE BF” was so confused when that text came in; it literally took him 4.5 minutes to get it. HAHAHA!!
  3. Time for AT&T to update their font! Lawsuit!!
  4. Speaking of upgrades, “THE BF” is the last man standing who still carries a flip phone-side-slide for texting—WORD!
  5. Thank YOU for small moments.

6:23AM:

“THE BF” NINE:30A.M

That’s not it folks;  “THE BF” hopped into the shower, laughing, of course at “THE BRO.” The shower is a time for inspiration I suppose–after three minutes, “THE BF” bursts into the bedroom…..

“ROB! ROB!” (That’d be me), “I’m gonna text him back now!”

“THE BF” 101 Dude….

“Get it, Rob? Get it? Instead of LOL, I sent 101!!”

90t 1t dude! 

#amwriting #amliving #amloving the dream I live –Thanks Twitter!

[Infographic] 9 Social Media Musts for New Bloggers

As a new blogger myself, I’m learning the ropes and passing the information along, just in case you haven’t already heard. I’m not an expert blogger so I’m definitely not giving advice. You’ve been warned. :)

9 Social Media Musts for New Bloggers
9 Social Media Musts for New Bloggers

Check out the 12 Online Content Writing Jobs

Anytime Breakfast or Brunch Recipes With a Savory Twist

break and brunch with the family

We put a spin on waffles and grilled the fried chicken. When they are mixed together, it’s a savory breakfast or brunch that beats all others.

Each recipe can be eaten alone or combined to make a fantastic brunch plate. I’ll show you how. We are dividing into two teams: 1) inside cooking and 2) grilling specialists, in order to tackle this menu.

Bacon Waffles

We do the bacon waffles inside. You’ll need:

waffle iron or grill
frying pan or grill
waffle mix
bacon
butter
syrup

Decide how many guests are coming and make these according to serving size.
In frying pan, cook one piece of bacon (to your taste) for every guest
Place cooked piece of bacon on waffle iron or grill
Pour waffle batter over piece of bacon and cook til done
You can serve with butter and syrup as a simple breakfast OR with grilled chicken for a homemade chicken and waffle dish.

Mom’s Grilled Chicken

This juicy mix of sweet and savory chicken is great alone or as a partner to complete the bacon waffle. You’ll need:

BBQ grill
dish to marinate chicken in
chicken breasts
brown sugar
garlic
olive oil
honey
salt
pepper

The marinade for this dish will depend on how many pieces of chicken you are grilling.
Clean chicken, cut off fat
Mix marinade in large glass baking dish: brown sugar, garlic (to taste), olive oil, honey (use to taste but sparingly if serving with waffles and syrup), salt and pepper
Place chicken in dish and make sure saturated with marinade
Allow chicken to marinate for at least one hour
Grill on medium heat for 20-25 minutes or until chicken is cooked
This chicken is fantastic when served on top of bacon waffle and then topped with syrup!

Super Fruity Green Salad

Mix all these ingredients in bowl and toss with a raspberry vinaigrette before serving. (Ingredients can be modified to your taste but these go great together!) You’ll need:

romaine lettuce
diced strawberries
candied walnuts
diced avocado
red onion

This is my favorite simple summer salad. It is refreshing and healthy.

Variations:

Fresh fruit salad
Egg salad
Plain waffle
Whole chicken (instead of breast)

What is Perfectly Imperfect Simply Chaotic?

Perfectly Imperfect and Simply Chaotic at robinmatteri.com
Telling Stories With Words and Poetry

Perfectly Imperfect & Simply Chaotic defines the imperfections in all of us that combine perfectly to create individuality. It’s about embracing chaos, simply to survive. The irony in the words defines me. For most of my life, I’ve attempted to conform; each attempt unsuccessful. As a gift to myself in celebration of turning forty, I give the little girl living within, life. With life comes freedom, and with freedom, her perfectly imperfect & simply chaotic spirit can finally soar.

Card Shapes

I’ve always had words in my head that needed a home. To be honest, I’m a storyteller, an atypical blogger who is once again, unable to conform–fully. In April 2014, after a three-year hiatus from writing, I came back. As you can imagine, the ever-evolving industry is extremely different from what I used to know. <—–FYI, I’m using that term lightly.

Telling Stories is All I Know

I have never received a formal education in English, punctuation, spelling, rules, laws, grammar, content marketing, visual design, or anything else associated with this craft. What I know, I’ve learned from other writers, bloggers, scammers, forums, Twitter, failure, success, fear, and finally, confidence.

What I know, I’ve learned from other writers, bloggers, scammers, forums, Twitter, failure, success, fear, and finally, confidence.  

I ultimately want to write about what I know, feel, think, hear, and see. I want to analyze the hell out of everything, and share my chaos with those who understand, want to learn, or completely disagree. I’m honest, unafraid, confrontational, compulsive, arrogant, and real. I speak without thinking, and type without breath.

Open Letter to Internet Editors and Human Spell-Checkers

Dear Internet Editors ( you know who you are, and so do we!),

Your proverbial red pen will undoubtedly run dry after a few blogs around here. If you’d like to brush up on your editing skills, by all means, this is a fantastic place to practice. Save the emails, comments, snickers, and tongue-in-cheek remarks — I may not understand the rules of grammar as they apply to the English language (or Korean, for that matter!) but I assure you I’m fluent in the rules of virtual kung-fu and I’m not afraid to attack.

—-Robin

 

Freestyle Blogging Poetry Welcome

Freestyle Full Banner
Create your own infographic at Piktochart for free. So much fun! Visit Robin Matteri’s profile on Pinterest.

 

6 Facebook Updates From the Archives

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Love Exists

Love exists,

 Romance comes and goes,

 A meaningful life lasts forever.

–Robin Matteri October 2014 Copyright

 

Love notes written on the wall in Sharpie permanent ink; one from me and one from the love of my life. Romance is cheap but not always the solution
Love notes written on the wall in Sharpie permanent ink; one from me and one from the love of my life. Romance is cheap but not always the solution.

This snippet of text originally came to life somewhere within the world of Reddit! A man, concerned about his girlfriend’s mental health reached out to the community for guidance.

Every one offered different advice based on their interpretation of this woman. Somewhere in his words (about 2,000 of them-poor guy), it became clear (to me, anyway), that her struggle was hardly related to deteriorating mental health.

The spiritual health of a person is so often overlooked. In my opinion, his girlfriend lost sight of her authentic self and purpose.

Which got me thinking… most of the other responders told him she was “losing that loving” feeling. The suggested he be more romantic, attentive, and helpful to her needs.

To me, I say hogwash!

Love, romance and everything else along the way, will never override the human spirit, and the innate desire to be needed, fulfilled, and, at peace.

Happy National Poetry Day!

[Poetry] You

[Poetry] You by Robin Matteri Lovely, beautiful, wonderful you
[Poetry] You
Visit Robin Matteri’s profile on Pinterest.