Guess what I did today?
Spent 3 hours designing an invitation for the Surprise 40th Birthday Party I’m throwing myself. Of course there’s a twist—the surprise is for my boyfriend who doesn’t know we’re having a party in the barn.
I bet you’re dying to know the theme I chose, right? Well, the official theme title is still in development. The creative department for my Firm has been high on sugar for two-days straight and unanimously decided to release a solid lifetime of repressed anger, and despair about the horrible conditions of their lives. Honestly, 4th grade boys are bitches.
I will offer a hint: A strict dress code will be enforced: 1993 Prom Attire Guess who found her custom made, hand-stitched strapless? Yep! This loser. On a side note – my mom is going to shit when she sees how well 20-year old fabric from Gemco holds up.
Bonus points for this blogger for incorporating trending keywords into the invite. 1993 and Gemco are like #hashtag sensations.
Emailed two content writers with a proposition to eliminate the middle-man, and partner up on a badass blog with direct links, and triple the spam fun. 853 word email…. no response…
Copied and pasted that email into a MS Word Doc and lit up the grammar-check. Upon proofreading (LOL!) the email I realized I’d unknowingly shared my prediction about the future of content writing. Based on my expert level in the field of writing, a solid reputation, and a few previous blog posts bashing other freelance writers; I’m also predicting my prediction to be flagged immediately by the upcoming Danielle Steele writing prodigies, kickin’ it on G+.
Felt like high-fiving Deepok Chopra for his guidance in perfecting phony spirituality.
My prediction? Words are An Endangered Species —Content Writing Nears Extinction
Authorities have been hard at work preparing for what they’re calling, “the worst infiltration of public school graduates” since the “kids” from 90210 finally graduated.
Eighteen year olds can’t spell, understand how people look so different in real life, and have vision problems when trying to focus on printed media, thanks to text messaging, PhotoShop, 2″ screens, and SnapChat.
Double bonus points awarded to this blogger for using a keyword that’ll automatically alert admin that the flag from Google do-gooders on this piece is legit.
Isn’t That Ironic….. OMG, again…Alanis Morissette from ’95? Bring it….
Worked a couple of graphics into the blog to depict the cycle of content ———- end result was a Jetson-esque version of YouTube.
Logged back on after the creative department passed out all over the living room at 6:47 PM. Thank you to the creators of time change!
Kicked around this idea I’ve had to start a 40-Day Challenge to coincide with the upcoming 40th birthday.
Realized I’m 10-days late to do what I wanted.
45 minutes into social stalking myself on 36 platforms, I dozed off and hit six buttons on the keyboard at once—ended up on a Twitter page for NaNoWriMo.
In the words of the Canadian sensation who paved the way for hip-hop artists with her “dirty” lyrics and sexual implications:
An old man turns 98, he wins the lottery
and dies the next day
Well, isn’t that ironic, dontcha think?
It turns out I’ve hit the lottery in terms of irony; which never ceases to amaze me. After years of mocking those who follow “trending” topics and #hashtag fever; I took two minutes to read the premise behind this National event celebrated by writers all over.
Turns out, words will never die, being a follower is cool, and today happens to be 30 days until my 40th birthday. Perfect timing to enter a writing event specifically designed to reduce the population of losers who can’t follow a dream.
Sounds a lot like my idea:
40-Day Challenge to Get Head Out of Ass
40-Day Challenge: How to Cram 18 years of Procrastination into a Pinterest Project
Quit Being a Pussy in 40 Days.
Joined NaNoWriMo and right away emailed my excitement to a perfect stranger because all the people in my life think irony is a word I made up with my imaginary friend(s) while doing laundry one day.
Copied and Pasted this email and it’s hitting the “blog” tonight.
Realized I have no choice but to lie in the Hobbies tab of this new profile…..
Prom theme just entered my head: Hold On For One More Day based on the hit single from the all female singing group, Wilson Phillips. It accurately depicts my inability to grow the fuck up.
More irony? I’m pretty sure they’re making a comeback.
I’ve chosen to send this post into cyberspace without visual content to attract readers, an affiliate link attachment, OR grammar-check. IRONIC of course if this post actually gets read.
With my luck, this will be the one post out of 60 that my Facebook friends actually share. Fuck you irony!