When Writers Don’t Play Nice: Writers Blogs and War!

When Writers Don’t Play Nice: Writers Blogs and War!.

Bravo! Bravo! Miranda…. which brings me once again to a couple of things:

  1. Writers are ________________. The best part about it? Every “bleeping” __________________ serves as a valuable lesson.

 

  1. This post I wrote is likely to get me burned at the stake…again… 16 Tips for New and Used Freelance Writers: Writing for WriterAccess… hahaha… HOW dare I give secrets away…. for free, even.

  2. Pay close attention to the last tip in the above linked article. USE a pen name before entering a forum.

  3. Thanks for comparing “our group” to the likes of Twain and Hemingway.

  4. Oh… I forgot to mention this: Everything I know about freelance writing I learned from a freelance writer. You know the ones, right? The tight-lipped ______________’s who refuse to “reveal” or help new writers with information regarding paying freelance gigs. Cracks me up! Here’s why:

  • The “fragile ego” of a writer is also arrogant. Anything you need to know can be found in writer forum’s ALL over the Internet.
  • Want to know something about freelance writing? Ask a writer. It is IMPOSSIBLE for the ego to remain tame…the urge to barf their brilliance in regard to writing will always defeat their desire to “keep the hot writing spot” a secret. FYI… it’s 2014, Google is KING.
  • FYI again… if you’re such a badass writer, why you worried about sharing information with a newbie? Afraid to lose your gig? Insecure? Maybe not such hot shit?
  • We’re content writing factory workers. Get over yourself.
  • When Oprah calls, rub it in my face. I can’t wait. :)
  • Until then…pay it forward, help another writer… good Lord. Most of the newbie’s are mothers, graduates, dreamers, people, struggling, scared, hopeful, grateful, loving, fearful, and human, like you.

I understand competition — I also understand compassion, integrity, mistakes, fear, struggle, success, life, and friendship.

Signed,

Robin Matteri

16 Tips For New (and Used) Freelance Writers: Writing for WriterAccess


I LOVE WriterAccess! I honestly have nothing to gain from that sentence except for a few bucks—maybe.

WriterAccess for Freelance Writers
WriterAccess for Freelance Writers

I’m not the best writer by any means, but I’ve done well working with this content mill, (the lull in work at the moment is beside the point).

I’m shamelessly linking this post with my referral link but I’ll stand behind the platform.

I moved from a level 3 writer to level 4 relatively quick, although I’m still not sure it was deserved. The $29.99 monthly investment into a grammar software program may have helped me. (HINT! HINT!)

If you’re looking for work in the field of online content writing, there are several options. With these options come several opinions. So what the hell, I’ll throw mine out there as well.

How am I an authority in this field? Simple:

  • I’m a stalker.
  • I’m a pimp.
  • I have a laptop.
  • I have no life.
  • My friends live in cyber-space.
  • I know what ideation and infographic mean even though my spell-checker doesn’t.
  •  I wrote 717 hotel articles for Demand Media back in the day that emphasized keyword placement and the use of the word amenities, over and over and over again. <—–PROOF!
  •  I once dreamed of becoming the next Chuck Klosterman  <—— (Amazon affiliate link, I’ve become one-of-them!), and know I dream of new ways to conjure up a fancy “call to action.” 

     Live by Chuck Klosterman
    This is a must-read for anyone who’s anyone. Chuck Klosterman nails real-world issues with humor, and a unique spin.
  • I read everything, apply to whatever I can, and stalk the hell out of EVERY writing site and forum I can—GOOGLE me, I dare ya. I do it every few weeks just to see where I’m registered. Just kidding, just kidding… BING me actually, I love the reward program. <—– Here’s my referral link. I’m on my way to almost $20 in free gift cards.

Back to my point. If you want to apply to WriterAccess, here are a few pointers, and of course, my referral link cleverly camouflaged into the content of this site. —–>> Right Here!

Here are Your Hints

 

  1. When applying, TAKE YOUR TIME. Complete each section carefully,and apply as though you are an expert in each field. THIS matters.
  2. The test is hard—take your time but don’t sweat it, most of the writers have scored with less than half of the answers incorrect.
  3. In the beginning, regardless of your classification, write as much as possible. The more you write, the more articles you can claim and the more street cred you’re given.
  4. Communicate with clients and the help desk ANY time your are confused, have an issue, etc.
  5. READ through every thread in the forums…word to the wise: stay out of the drama! UGH! Writers are evil. :))
  6. Apply to every casting call but do not expect to get accepted OR work from it….TRUST me, it pays off.
  7. Check the assignment boards ALL the time….I’d set an alarm for the middle of the night as well (hint-hint!)
  8. Count on getting paid TWICE a month like clockwork—UNBELIEVABLE, eh? Yep, they respect the starving artist enough to set up a decent pay schedule.
  9. Pay it forward–help another writer out, just for the heck of it (OR FOR the referral credit–we all have tummy’s to feed!)
  10. Don’t be a pr*ck-*ss writer who can’t take rejection, criticism, feedback, ridicule, and/or praise, (you might get all of this here!)
  11. Keep in mind that this is a stepping stone to a bigger dream SO you’ve got to train someone to take your spot.
  12. YOU’RE a content writer (as am I)—not Danielle Steele–CHILL, and spread the word.
  13. Spend your “off” time tweaking your profile and learn to BLOG for YOURSELF….
  14. The only thing consistent is inconsistency, deal with it or lose your mind.
  15. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket—diversify.
  16. USE A PEN NAME!! Dang it! I could have benefited from this lesson, and one other: STAY out of it! If you’re craving drama, call a 1-900# or join a chat room.

I learned that the hard way too.— LOL — Which sucks when you use your real name. Haha! The only thing I’ve got going for me? I look nothing like this picture — if someone wants to come get me; they’ll push me out of the way, looking for me.

Cheerio Friends!

Oh! But wait, there’s more. I couldn’t call myself a pimp without leaving you with a few more self-promoting links; now could I?

Here’s the best infographic ever with links to other online content writing jobs in the neighborhood. I’d love to tell ya that my nine-year-old put this masterpiece together, but, nope — I did.

And, because I’m so arrogant, pimpalicious, and addicted to the little characters that live within the infographic; here’s one more that you’d never survive life without. Social Media-Whoop! Whoop! 

Oh, good golly! Here’s one more affiliate link before I go ——–> Piktochart for Infographics, check it out.

Most Hilarious Text Message I’ve Heard in a While—But, That’s Just Me!

This text message honestly happened this morning. Forgive me if it’s not the most hilarious thing you’ve heard in weeks; I don’t get out much and nine-year-old’s are totally NOT FUNNY. So, with that, I nearly pissed myself when I saw this:

Here’s your key:

My boyfriend will be referred to as “THE BF”

His brother will be referred to as “THE BRO”

Addicted to Vintage Text Messages
Addicted to Vintage Text Messages

Text Message arrives:

6:10AM:

 “THE BRO” What time is the soccer game?

   “THE BF” 9

“THE BF” checks his phone, reads the next text, looks at me, pauses, reads it again, I yell at him, (“you’ve got time to read a damn text message but not enough time for a hug!! I’m a raging b*tch these days…FYI), “THE BF” gets flustered, wants to cuss at me, sends a response text, and then stares at me.

Hysterical laughing is coming….

“THE BF” is shocked, and manages to read the text history to me without laughing. Here’s what you missed:

6:18AM: 

“THE BRO” Received the letter ‘g’, need a number.

OMG… there are so many things about this that are funny!

  1. Who talks like that–in all seriousness. “THE BRO” is commando!
  2. “THE BF” was so confused when that text came in; it literally took him 4.5 minutes to get it. HAHAHA!!
  3. Time for AT&T to update their font! Lawsuit!!
  4. Speaking of upgrades, “THE BF” is the last man standing who still carries a flip phone-side-slide for texting—WORD!
  5. Thank YOU for small moments.

6:23AM:

“THE BF” NINE:30A.M

That’s not it folks;  “THE BF” hopped into the shower, laughing, of course at “THE BRO.” The shower is a time for inspiration I suppose–after three minutes, “THE BF” bursts into the bedroom…..

“ROB! ROB!” (That’d be me), “I’m gonna text him back now!”

“THE BF” 101 Dude….

“Get it, Rob? Get it? Instead of LOL, I sent 101!!”

90t 1t dude! 

#amwriting #amliving #amloving the dream I live –Thanks Twitter!

6 Facebook Updates From the Archives

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Let’s Talk Content? How To Pitch a Marketing Strategy to Spammers

Honest as shit!? I just received an email from “Apple” informing me of a security breach. GASP!! What do I do? What do I do? Calm down Robin!! Keep reading. Oh, phew! Click here. Thank God!

StopSpamafia
Let’s Come Together and #StopSpamafia

You haνe receiνed this email because our sγstem has noticed some susρicious actiνities with ΑρρleΙD ,all what you need to κeeρ enjoying all the benefits of your id is to confirm γour identitγ , follow the linκ below to start this ρrocess

If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written in the past, you’ll understand that I am not bashing the tactics of the fine young team of thugs; my beef is with the horrible (dare I say it?), grammar. Please note, once again, that I am not attacking the “misplaced comma” or the “horrible use of CAPITAL letters”—God, and spammers know, I’ve got no room to judge. I am attacking the idiotic MISUSE of words, and the slang that clearly implicates them as ridiculous fakes.

Kindly Ignore Me if I’m Offensive, BUT….

Oh yah…another indicator this was bullshit, (for the record, I didn’t need a second opinion), I’m a writer (air quotes). There was obviously a mix-up of email lists—The only Apple product I own is well, nevermind…man, I’m hilarious. (Please note from my highly technical graphic above)–I need nothing fancier than a kids tablet to get “work” done.)

If they really want to hook someone with a pansy-ass sucker punch, they need a new content marketing strategy. Why the hell hasn’t someone already pitched this idea? Damn writers! I’ll pitch my idea first (you can go next!):

I’ll pitch my idea first and you can go next!

Dude!!! Our bad!! You’re AppleID is all jacked up. Yah, I’m at the gym with my homies, working out ( I SOOO love sweating to Taylor Swift! LOL), when myApple-Nano-Redunculous-Retro-C573982-Customer-Service-Management-Device alerted me to a compromised situation occuring with your shit, dude. Here’s the dealio: You can click this button to confirm your identity, or me and my boys are gonna have to quit it at the gym early and hit the office for a total re-boot of your system. MAN!!! We were about to get down in here. J/K! Anyway, it’s your call.

Questions? Real Quick

1. Who the hell is in charge of the organized “Spamafia” group? This bullshit has gone on long enough. Here’s the email I received:

2. Who keeps clicking the damn spam links??? For real! In order for a scam to continue, it has to work—-> STOP CLICKING on the links! Stop it!

In addition to supporting a group of complete morons who should have spell-checker or grammar software by now, you’re making an entire group of people look idiotic!

In closing, I leave you with these thoughts.

Spammers: Use a stolen credit card and pay for a program. Duh!

People: Quit clicking the links. Duh!

Do you honestly believe tech support at Apple talks like this? Do you not think PayPal has a quality control department that proofs emails before they’re sent out? Do you STILL think your Internet is safe?

Hilarious.

Belly Flopping Back Into Writing and Apparently I need a Niche

I’d like to gracefully dive back in as a writer who shares a unique voice, and a seat at lunch with Oprah; however, I’m belly flopping into content marketing and sharing a seat at lunch with the cool kids at every writing forum I can find.

Hardest Working Broke Chick: Poverty Education


Sometimes I wonder…. I can’t understand it, and I’ve said it before— I’m the hardest working broke chick I know. On the flip side-poverty has taught me: website design, visual design, content marketing, networking, WAY more about how GOOGLE operates than I should know, WAY more about nerdy shit then I should know, how to be a pimp and annoy everyone, how to properly index a site, how to rank a blog, how to beat F’book at their own game (just kidding, just kidding, don’t cyber-slap me Zuckerburg), how to spam like the brilliant Nigerian, and finally, patience. <—-oh wait, that’s the medication, not poverty.

English: A juxtaposition of affluence and poverty
English: A juxtaposition of affluence and poverty (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Not sure if I’d rather have had knowledge or money to pay someone else to do all this…. I’ll let you know the verdict when I’m living large as a “Thousandaire” —-

The Irony: A Modern Day Madam Spammer

In dealing with mental health problems, it’s natural to also deal with self-esteem and self-worth issues which I find more and more ironic every day. Statistics indicate a significant amount of writers and authors who produce brilliant work, are also inflicted with issues concerning mental health. My favorite list is one from Listal that details award-winning authors and their actual or assumed diagnosis. Jack Kerouac was thought to be schizophrenic, Kafka endured years of severe depression, and many others were diagnosed with similar ailments.

Jack Kerouac
Cover of Jack Kerouac

Here’s an article about famous actors with mental health disorders.

The Irony?

I’m a PIMP! Yes, you heard me. I struggle daily with my talent to produce words, with overwhelming feelings of poor self-worth, inadequacies, and self-esteem problemos! BIG TIME!

English: Entrance to Madam Jojo's
English: Entrance to Madam Jojo’s (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

AND still…. I spend 5-8 hours a day pimping myself out to editors, social media sites, friends, family, and any damn person who’ll read something I wrote. I’m still baffled.

I’m too poor to hire someone so I pimp my writing out. A lot. My experience with pimping myself out has turned me into a modern day Madam—more commonly referred to as a “SPAMMER” — I admit it.

EVEN MORE ironic?

After intense pep talks with the friends living in my head (we need encouragement to “promote” my work), I become more depressed because of the obsession to check the stats on an hourly basis.

Like clockwork, I share a new blog on Facebook and almost ALWAYS immediately receive mobile notifications—“One friend ‘liked’ your new post.” My heart races, anticipation mounts…. 

THANKS MOM!                  

Self-pity, pimping, and on and on and on…..

Ironic!

(DAMN Nigerians are brilliant!)

Janis, Stevie, Juice, and Carole: How Lucky Could a Kid Be?

old record player
old record player (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As a kid, we didn’t have alarm clocks to wake us up for school. They existed–as did electricity–but my Mom, instead, woke us up to loud music playing throughout the house. alarm clocks to wake us up for school. They existed–as did electricity–but my Mom, instead, woke us up to loud music playing throughout the house.

She’d get out of bed, grab a cup of black coffee, chain-smoke a few Marlboro Lights (lol, sorry Mom, it’s fun to make fun of you!), and then blow the dust off one of her favorite records (aka-albums-aka-vintage-aka-$$$-aka—-GOOD shit!).

 

After about six minutes (loading it on the top, waiting for it to drop, waiting on the needle, the needle finding the beginning of the album, a small skip, then a “shit!”, grab the needle, but it back in the perfect spot…..)

 

….. BAM…..

 

 

Stevie Nicks was a blessing in the morning.

 

I feel lucky to have had a hippy Mom hiding in suburbia. Without her, I’d never know Fleetwood Mac, Carole King, James Taylor, Juice Newton (biotch!), or Janis Joplin.

 

In Concert (Janis Joplin album)
In Concert (Janis Joplin album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thanks Mom— I love you. In 2008, my beautiful mother and I saw Stevie Nicks in concert. I never thought I’d have that opportunity, so it is still surreal to me. In 2009, I saw Juice Newton perform–excellent on stage, but a “rhymes” with itch, behind the scenes. Oh well… she still nailed her music.

 

As I got older, I explored more of the favorites from that era. My favorite?

 

The early days of Stevie Nicks and songs like this…